[Knowing that I won't be at home for Christmas this year, my mum cooked an early Christmas meal!]
Well, i'm leaving China very soon! Needless to say, i'm incredibly nervous, maybe too much so. Everyone's been re-assuring me saying 'ah you left home for university, and you managed!'
Well, this is true. Maybe It's just like university again, but with a few 'minor' alterations:
- A different country with a different culture, and a different language (which I can only speak the basics of)
- Moving to university was a shift from Chesterfield to Sheffield, a grand total of 12 miles (and as the title of this blog suggests....)
- At university I could return home whenever I pleased, just a short train journey away! But with my single entry visa, I cannot return home until the 180 days are up (unless I chose to leave early...which I shouldn't)
With this in mind, it's hard to comprehend the shear scale of what i've gotten myself into....
Don't get me wrong, i'm very excited. I love eastern culture, I love exploration, and I know this will be a greatly rewarding. Which it has been already.
Although it's impossible to shift these fears which have built up throughout the arduous process of finding a job in China (again, I must keep reminding myself that I chose to do this), getting my visa and mentally preparing to say goodbye to everything i've ever known (temporarily) forever; it has displayed everything in my life as a fine array of awesomeness-ness!
Throughout my teenage years I never appreciated what I had. Everything around me felt so oppressive, it felt as though my surroundings were always edging too close for comfort and slowly wearing away. Once I left home for university, Chesterfield suddenly became the greener other side for a while - until Sheffield's edges began to round off and I could comfortably drift between the two homes I had built.
Initial fears of leaving home for university nearly stopped me moving out completely. I could have easily commuted, but my best friend convinced me that I needed to take the leap. This leap turned out to be the best decision I ever made. Maybe the best decision I will ever make - if I didn't do that, how could I have possibly even considered going to China for 6 months?
I am met once more by that feeling of the unknown, but this time, with greater weight.
But as I said, with this new perspective I can already feel the benefits which I set out to harvest through this adventure. Only through experiencing first-hand how heavy my heart feels with the thought of leaving family, close friends and my surroundings can I see how amazing my life is - I absolutely LOVE everything in my life right now; I love the people, my 2 homes, my possessions and all the little comforts. Whereas with university where I was leaving a home for which I held both positive and negative views for, this time i'm leaving a home which I wouldn't change for anything. For the first time since I was a child, I truly feel safe - even with all the 'you've just graduated and you need to find a job' anxieties brewing beneath me.
Overlooking my life at this moment, I owe nearly everything to taking that step from home, prospering, and returning - maybe this time I will return to England with a 3rd home, and even greater satisfaction.
Besides, what better time is there? I have the money, the youthfulness (and the fitness that comes with it?); and not forgetting that i'm not entering China alone. I'll be greeted by my absolutely fantastic girlfriend who will travel for 13 hours JUST to greet me at the airport, and help me fit in.
This, with the added bonus of living with a coursemate of mine, is a pretty awesome deal! Once I step off my home ground and step onto alien territory on the other side of the world, I will be instantly greeted with love and affection - similar to that which I left in England (temporarily) forever.
I'm bloody terrified, but i'm bloody well grateful.
I'll see you soon family and friends, I love you all!
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