I met Yinzi’s family for the first time this spring
festival, spending a total of 5 days with them! Including 2 days leading up to
the New Year. Everyone who knows me well will agree that I’m quite a shy and
reserved person when it comes to meeting new folk, so needless to say I was a
little bit nervous – ok that’s an understatement, I was terrified!
Meeting a girlfriend’s parents for the first time in the
past has been hard enough for me – but with the addition of being from a
different culture, not being able to speak my language AND being joined with
about 20 other family members who I’d live with for a number of days. Also
prior to coming to China Yinzi told me how her dad and grandparents had
frequently expressed their disapproval with her dating a foreigner –
understandably driven by fears that she would move country, leaving them behind
with only a few visits now and then to look forward to.
However, as always, the build-up was much more agonising
than the event itself - I had an absolutely amazing time with them.
Day 1 – 28th January: Arriving at Yinzi’s
hometown
We flew to Hangzhou on the morning to meet her cousins in
the airport who would drive us to the destination – which was a 6 hour car
journey away. I felt incredibly nervous while waiting for them, while Yinzi
bounced with joy as she hadn’t seen them for over a year. They arrived and
greeted me well, taking my things and led us to the car to meet more of the
family. They were all so smiley! I couldn’t say much, other than ‘pleased to
meet you’ in Chinese, and of course the illiterate foreigner’s favourite – ‘nihao!’
I was still on edge and insanely nervous, but having exchanged warm greetings
the nerves began to lighten up a bit…until I remembered I would be meeting her
parents soon….aaaaahhhhh!
Four of us crammed into the back of the car and I was
pressed against the glass for the entire 6 hour journey. That was ok though as
it directed my view out of the window to some fantastic views of the province. The
landscape was nothing like I had seen in Guangzhou - it was vast and open,
green vegetation was replaced with brown grasslands and dusty planes - almost
like travelling through the Wild West, or a proper movie-style road trip!
Eventually we arrived at Yinzi’s hometown Hukou, just
outside of the city Jiujiang in the Jiangxi province, where I was greeted by
her parents. I can’t really remember the first encounter so well as I was
blinded by such nervousness that it seemed to paralyse my memory – but I do
remember getting the Chinese greetings correct, and them being somewhat
impressed. We reached Yinzi’s house where they cooked me a meal and showed me
to the bed I would stay in for the next 2 nights. I was scared most of all by
meeting her dad as I thought if anyone was going to be unimpressed by my arrival
in Yinzi’s life, it would be him. However he often laughed and smiled upon my
arrival, and he generously presented me with this fantastic gift!
Later that evening Yinzi showed me around her neighbourhood,
when I decided to surprise a barbers shop by paying them an unexpected visit.
They were stunned as I walked in, the woman who owned the place never took her
smiley glare off me the entire 20 minutes. It was incredibly awkward, but
highly amusing – and only £2 for a dashing cut!
As I laid in bed that evening I went over the event in my
head – giving it a good 8/10 – could have been improved if I’d opened my mouth
a bit more and said more than ‘thank you’ (xiexie) all the time. But overall, I
couldn’t fault myself too much.
Day 2 – 29th January: Shopping in Jiujiang
In the morning we were driven by Yinzi’s dad to the city of
jiujiang, where we met some family friends for a meal in a dashing restaurant!
It was a family tradition that they each buy a new item of
clothing for the New Year, so I joined Yinzi, her mum and sister for a girly
day out shopping. I know it seems bad to say this - but I don’t think Yinzi
would mind me saying this so much as we’ve discussed this and she very much
agrees with me - Jiujiang city is not very pleasant. I’d researched the place
prior to my arrival, seeing some very stunning photos of lush green hills set
against blue waters – but I saw nothing from the insanely thick smog. Nonetheless
it was an enjoyable day as far as shopping goes! We went to a few malls shocking
many shop owners, causing them to point and whisper amongst colleagues while in
a fit of excited and bewildered giggles - I was most certainly the only
foreigner who had set foot in the city for a very long time, and it showed...
Day 3 – 30th January: Chinese New Year Eve!
The First night in the village and Meeting the other
Relatives
The morning was spent going to local shops to purchase
decorations for the house - With fireworks, firecrackers and food galore! Later
we returned to the house where I helped Yinzi’s dad put up red banners on the
doors and hang lanterns from trees.
Then we set out on the drive to her grandparents’ house in a
very remote village, not really knowing what to expect. Being an over-populated
country I expected a modern Chinese village to be similar to a UK town like ole
Chezzy, as it turns out it was vastly different.
The car turned off the motorway down a single-lane, rocky road
which ran through farming pastures, eventually entering an area of narrow
shopping streets where I expected we would be stopping – but the car kept on
going through the dusty meadows. By the time the car stopped we were miles from
the nearest settlement.
Her grandparents’ house was huge, nearly a mansion! But upon
entering the home I could tell I wouldn’t be living a life of luxury. The place
was cosy, but far from any house I had ever stayed in before, and I began to
wonder how I could cope! Especially once I saw the outdoor toilet, which was
essentially a hole which formed a pile below – I didn’t take a photo….
Suddenly I was greeted by dozens of family members who
flooded towards me with big smiles and hands to shake. They were incredibly
welcoming and very friendly! Her uncles especially found interest in me, and I had
a great laugh with them as they attempted to learn some English phrases! It
turned out many of them including one of her cousins had begun learning especially
for my arrival, which was so touching!
The sun set as we all gathered around the table for the
traditional New Years Eve meal. Out of the hundreds of dishes displayed in
front of me I couldn’t recognise a single one, which for a picky diner like me
was rather concerning. But the food was delicious! Every 20 seconds however I had
to stand as another family made a toast where they welcomed me into the family,
and I even made a toast to yinzi’s grandparents (after practicing my lines extensively
beforehand). Her granddad to my surprise replied with ‘thank you’, which he’d
learnt just for me!
That night we relaxed outside, watched the fireworks and
played some games with Yinzi and her younger cousins. It felt like a
traditional Christmas get together where all the family would attend, a Christmas
I haven’t ever really had – but that’s how I imagined it would be!
We stayed awake until midnight for the New Year ceremonial
firework and firecracker display! Firecrackers are insanely loud, I was about
15 metres away but my ears were still stabbed with each crack! When I went to
bed this cacophony continued, and astoundingly was still going when I woke up
the next morning!
Day 4 – 31st January: New Years Day!
In the morning many of the relatives gathered to visit the
family shrine commemorating deceased family members. This was something only
relatives with the family surname could attend, so many of the wives stayed at
home. I was incredibly privileged to be invited to attend, as this was
certainly something not many foreigners could witness first-hand.
We were taken on a walk through the fields where we stopped
at a number of locations in which a small shrine stood. Here incense was lit, firecrackers
and fireworks were set off and along with the family members I put my hands
together and bowed before the shrines. It was so fascinating to take place and
witness such a traditional practice being played out before me in such a
traditional setting – I felt honoured, and above all accepted into the family.
The rest of the day was free for all, where I joined Yinzi
and her cousins on a walk through the agricultural lands to a lake they would
visit as kids. It was a barren place, yet extremely beautiful and serene.
As the sun set we went to the nearby village centre to
purchase some goods, where I encountered the more bewildered stares thus far. I
felt extremely uncomfortable walking down the dusty rural paths passing
families chilling outside the street shops. These village-folk for definite had
never seen a foreigner before – unquestionably - I actually managed to make
entire groups of people turn their heads as I walked past, prompting the
cousins to huddle around me in case of any unpleasant confrontations. However
no such thing happened, I think the village folk were too stunned by my
presence to even dare to come close to me…
For my last night we played more games and I spoke with the
grandparents and other family members (with Yinzi’s translation of course). I
took some groovy night time photos using a starry sky setting on my camera,
which look pretty funky!
Day 5 – 1st February: A difficult parting from the
Village
I felt deep sadness to be leaving the next morning,
especially as many in the family expressed how they wanted me to stay longer so
badly! Unfortunately I had no choice in the matter, but I couldn’t leave
without a big goodbye and a family portrait! It seems to be an older generation
thing here to not smile for photos though…
Once more I shook hands with the grandparents and thanked
them for such a fantastic stay, to which her granddad replied again with the
words ‘thank you’!
The sadness of driving away from that home was crippling, it
had treated me so well and yet my stay was so brief – but it was never to be
forgotten. Before leaving for the airport we drove to a few more relatives
houses, had multiple large meals (honestly, if you think we eat a lot at Christmas
you have another thing coming) and held a baby! I’d never held a baby before but
he seemed rather content with it, playing with the zip and dangly things on my
coat - what an adorable lil guy he was!
But the moment I dreaded had come, I had to leave. Since
coming to China I’m becoming increasingly aware and concerned that I may not be
the most butch man on earth – I was beginning to tear up as I expressed my
deepest appreciation to her parents. I set off for Nanchang where I caught my
plane back to Guangzhou.
I cannot begin to express how thankful I am for their kindness
and how readily accepting they were of me. Every one of them was so gentle
hearted, so ecstatic and enthused to see me – and it felt great! It was also
brilliant to be surrounded by people again – well, China isn’t exactly short on
people to be around, but this time it was people actively engaging with me
again; which outside of work and the occasional chit-chat with a people on the
street or in starbucks now and again is rare here.
Also, it was fantastic to experience the rural side
of China as before I came to China I hope to see the glamour of the modern
cities and historic monuments contrasted with the developing areas. It’s
something I don’t think many foreigners and tourists are able to witness, and
for that I feel extremely privileged.
Returning to Guangzhou alone (Yinzi will spend another week
with them before returning) after 5 days bathing in the warming glow of her
relatives in the tranquil rural setting, I realised how much I missed being
amongst familiar faces - just engaging in a multitude of activities with other
people and generally having a laugh. The past 5 days really struck a chord.
With this in mind, I think this was the best time I’ve had
in China so far – and it may remain that way for the rest of my time here.
